My Own Wonderland

Finally, my #1 most favorite post from the HypoMatt vault. And of course it has to do with 2 of my favorite icons from childhood and even today: Star Wars and THE St. Louis baseball Cardinals. It's about a dream I had about a year ago. I'm not sure what influenced it. I don't think anyone can be held accountable for the dreams they have and for my sake let's hope it was nothing more than nonsense.

Han Solo is a St. Louis Cardinals Fan
05.25.04 (2:34 pm)
The last few nights I have been having some strange dreams. They all seem to have the same theme, I am involved in a mission to save the planet from destruction. Each dream has contained some kind of alien species yet each species looks and acts differently. But the one I had last night was the most bizarre of all. It can best be described as a cross between Spaceballs and Gumby with a little Star Wars mixed in. The dream begins with me on the Millennium Falcon with Han Solo and some other characters who all seem to be made of clay who claim to be from the Claymation Nation. Aliens are chasing us and we decide to hide the ship inside a deep cave on a huge asteroid (Han Solo mumbles something about experiencing deja vu, I think he was referring to what he did in the very first Star wars movie). In order for us to exit the ship Han inflates a huge air mattress with the St. Louis Cardinals logo on it. It's even autographed by Albert Pujols. So we all slide down the mattress and hit the ground and skid across the slippery surface until we come to rest against the cave wall. As we come to the mouth of the cave we see an alien guard standing watch out in the middle of a large, empty, desert looking landscape. He stands there with an expressionless stare off into space. He is standing in between 2 windows which are suspended in mid air. They are about 4 feet above the ground, 10 feet apart, and each facing the same direction, parallel to each other. Now, according to one of our Claymation Nation sidekicks, who just so happens to be Patrick the starfish from Spongebob Squarepants, the only way to get by the alien guard is to climb in through the widow on the right then crawl over to the other window and crawl back out through it. "But we need a diversion" he says. That's when another interesting person steps forward with a genius idea. I'll call him, in my mind because I don't remember ever speaking to him directly, nor never hearing his name called out, Bread Dough Boy(BDB for short). Try to imagine what a soft pretzel would look like before it is twisted and baked. Now imagine that being 6 feet tall with doughy arms and legs, 2 fish eyes and a mouth. So BDB runs off in the direction of the guard carrying a jump rope. He begins to jump rope and jog erratically. Now friends, to you and I such a sight alone would be enough to divert our attention for at least 5 minutes( no offense Pillsbury dough boy), but BDB saw it fit to go the extra mile and steps it up a notch. He intentionally skips a jump and lets the rope come down and slice him in twain! At which point he crawls over to his bottom half, kneads himself back together, rolls himself out into his original form and continues to go through the motions. Needless to say, the trick worked well and the guard followed BDB away from the windows. So we climb through the first window, crawl over to the next and crawl back through it, expecting to logically end up back on the side we had just came from only 10 feet down. But instead we found ourselves in a wal mart, sitting at a table playing Bingo.

Now HERE is where it gets FREAKY. Today I had to go to wal mart to get an oil change. As I walked around the store I made my way back towards the Mcdonalds corner back near the dairy products. As I approached I noticed the tables were full of senior citizens playing....BINGO. And what was on the shelf across from there? Pillsbury dough in a can. I swear to you I cannot make this stuff up!

P.S. The elderly man calling out the bingo numbers was one of wal mart's elderly greeters. Decked out in full Greeter garb(neatly pressed blue vest attached to which were many welcoming pieces of flair). He even called out, and I quote, "B12.....B12....as in vitamin B12."

Boy, I can't wait to get to sleep tonight!